Office Drama Part I
The day started off terrible for Keisha, its 8:15 am and she has to be to work by 9:00. She just started a new job at NOAA as a budget analyst. The sun is shining on this beautiful summer day but within her a storm of anxiety was about to rage. Keisha was up late last night at a birthday party for her best friend Shawna. The alarm clock has been going off for about a half hour and she finally wakes.
“Oh my God” she screams as she looked at her alarm clock
“What, I am going to be late my first day on the job” she jumped up hurried into the bathroom and turned the shower on. Grabbed her mouth washed, grabbed her tooth brush and in the water she goes.
All the while thinking ‘This can’t be happening’
After brushing her teeth and showering for about four minutes, she grabbed a towel and dried herself while running to the closet and of course she hit her toe against the bed post. She thought to herself ‘no time for pain’ half dry and fully naked she went into her closet, pulled out her navy blue skirt suit with a basic white blouse and laid them across her bed. She put lotion on her body threw on her clothes unwrapped her weave snatched up her car keys and flew out the door, only to realize
“Shoot I forgot my purse” she ran back in picked up her black coach bag and was on her way. She made it to her car, a 2005 Nissan Sentra; put the key in the ignition and………..nothing
“You got to be kidding me” she screams, the car was dead. At that moment her neighbor Dante, a dude she couldn’t stand was coming out to get in his car headed for his job at Big Boys Barber Shop.
“Whats wrong Shorty?” as you get to know Keisha she hates ghetto dudes, but more than that, she HATES being called Shorty, but today she needed help so she gave him a pass
“My car won’t start and I don’t want to be late for work at my new job”
“No problem I will take you where you work” he asked, and all the Ebonics was making her cringe
“Downtown silver spring” She replied, with that please help me look on her face, while inside thinking ‘I hope I don’t regret this’
“Jump in Ma, I will get you there in fifteen minutes” he is happy because he has been trying to hit it ever since she moved into the complex, into his building as well. She thought to herself
‘Lord I hate this dude, but I need this ride’ then she says
“Alright, thank you” he walked to the driver side of his all black supped up ford focus, with the hottest thirteen inch rims in Hyattsville Maryland. He opened the door got in unlocked her door and said
“Get in Shorty” her face immediately soured as she cringed at being called Shorty once again, and being in the presence of a man who doesn’t know to open a door for a lady, but in her situation, she just got in.
She is a beautiful sister, with a banging body, tall sexy chocolate thick joint and Dante was about to get his Mack on. In his mind he saying ‘YEAH’ like Ice Cube did in Friday when he thought his Mother was going to hook him up with some of her breakfast.
She sat down and all he saw were her legs glowing from the lotion. Her skirt came down to her knees, but sitting it rose up to expose part of her thighs and he was in heaven at this point. She saw him looking, she was truly uncomfortable but what’s a girl to do, she needed the ride.
He started the car hit the gas a little as if the sound of his four cylinder engine was going to do it for her. He then looked at her and said
“So where exactly do you work” with a fake half trying to be cool smile. She told him and off they went headed down Riggs road toward Silver springs, which is about ten minutes from where they lived. She didn’t say anything to him all the way to work and all he did was stare at her legs, lounge back in his seat and drive with one hand on the wheel and the other holding an unlit Black & Mild cigar. And she was thinking ‘Oh the smell’ finally they arrive
“Dante thank you so much for the ride, I will have my Father come and take a look at my car today”
“That’s cool sis, but if you wanna, my mans a mechanic, I could have him check it out for you”
“No that’s alright, but thank you anyway” she doesn’t want anything else to do with him at all. He can’t resist, he is about to go in and take his shot and Keisha
“So I notice you live alone you got a man?” ‘Okay’ she thinks ‘Here we go, how do I break him down without insulting him?’ she paused then said
“Dante; you seem like a nice guy but, you are not my type” he starts to say something and she cut him off
“Let’s end this right now, I don’t want to go to dinner, the movies hang out with you and your peoples. I don’t want to come over for a fake party that you and I both know, I would be the only one invited, I don’t want your number and no you cannot have mine; are we clear DANTE?” His face dropped because he was getting ready to go in hard and she shut him down quickly.
“Na it’s not like that, I was just making conversation Shorty” cringe again
“That’s another thing DANTE, no woman wants a man to call her Shorty, and my name is Keisha DANTE”
“I’m sorry sho………” he catches himself and say “Keisha”
“That is better Dante” she had him pull into the garage
“Thank you Dante I do appreciate you for what you have done for me, I know I was a little hard on you, but I can offer you my friendship, since we are neighbors” he smiled and said
“Okay I’ll take that….friend” she told him good bye got out and ran into the building at exactly 8:53 and she has to be to work at 9:00, she has seven minutes to get from the lobby up to the eleventh floor. Can she make it? Or will she be late on her first day? Hold on and get ready for the longest seven minutes ever………………..
Keisha ran into the lobby of the building only to see many people going in and security checking I.D badges and that’s when it hit her……yeah you guessed right, she was moving so fast she forgot her I.D badge and left it at home, she said to herself in the classic voice of Florida Evans
“DAM, DAM,DAM” she couldn’t believe all this was happening this morning. As the line was moving she finally made it to security and tried to do the impossible, charm her way through she was approached by “Big Tim and Lakeesha, lobby security.
Big Tim is six feet four inches tall a former high school football player. He is a big guy up and around….he is the kind of guy that eats two foot long subway sandwiches for lunch with a two liter coke. He’s fat….but he carries it well because he use to be an athlete. One thing you must know about Big Tim, he has dreams of being a male dancer…you know a skripper, he flirts with all the women who work in the building trying to get a come-up, he has notch a few victims, for a big dude he has some game and some of DC’s desperate housewives find him cute like a big teddy bear.
Now his “partner” Lakeesha is a whole ‘nother’ story, she came to work for the government from the welfare-to-work program under Clinton. She has four kids with three baby daddies…..she is about five feet four inches tall and kind of round in the mid-section……..okay she’s fat, let’s just call it like we see it. But she doesn’t think she is, so she wears tight uniform shirts with push-up bras underneath and of course sports the muffin top.
That’s when your pants are so tight and that your big mid section hangs over your belt line. She is a light skinnded sister with long weavey hair, beautiful green contact eyes and a diamond crusted & gold tooth right in the front …..Like ‘BLAM’
By now many people have gone through the I.D check and now it’s her turn.
She is digging through her purse, double checking perhaps by some chance her I.D is in her bag. As she is digging people are going around her, that’s when Lakeesha stepped to her with that heavy DC accent
“Uh-un boO, is you lost or sunthin, can I help you, what is you tryin to do?”
“I work here and today is my first day but I seem to have left my I.D at home, my car wouldn’t start and before that I woke up late” Lakeesha cut her off and said
“I feel you, I was late myself..shoot…….arhight do you got yo driver license?”
“Yeah I do, will that get me in” She was desperate as she looked at the clock on the wall that now said 8:56
“Yeah sign in over here” they walk over to the desk and she signs in. Lakeesha told her what elevator to take and off she went on her way hurrying, she turned to Lakeesha and whispered “Thank you girl”
The elevator was crowded and people are pressed up against each other and it’s hard to move. But right in front of her is a long haired blonde Becky with hygiene issues….her hair stinks. Keisha tries to turn her face away, she turns to the right and ‘BAM’…..Bob from accounting is drinking black coffee from star bucks and eating a cheese Danish. As she turned toward him, he looked at her and said
“HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH” his breath almost knocked her down, imagine coffee and cheese breath, mix with stale cigarettes first thing in the morning on a hot crowded elevator. But she was a trooper, she said
“High” and turned her head to her left but out of the corner of her left eye she caught a glimpse of a man standing behind her smiling…then she felt it and knew why he was smiling. He had his pelvis pressed up against her behind and she felt something hard poking her, she turned to the coffee, Danish breath man and said
“What time do you have?” as she asked she turned her body completely toward him and away from the perv. But as she turned her hand accidently brushed up against the poker stick and the man behind smiled some more….in her mind she was like ‘Perv nasty’
finally Bob told her it was 8:59 and it was only three more floors till her stop, she was okay with that because she knew she was going to be on time, so she kind of took a deep breath and said to herself.
‘Okay I feel better now….Wussah’
Finally the elevator approaches the eleventh floor her heart is beating, she thought to herself
‘I am going to be on time, I can’t believe after all that happened this morning I am going to make it here by nine….Thank You Jesus’
The elevator doors open and she got off, but getting on to go down was her new supervisor Bert. Bert is an older Caucasian man, he’s losing his hair, and his teeth are yellow from years of two packs a day. He doesn’t seem to own and iron and his white shirts are a dingy white.
He sees Keisha and says something to her that blows her mind
“That’s what I like a new employee that arrives early”
“Early” she says with a surprised look on her face
“Yeah, you’re not supposed to be here until ten o’clock today for your orientation” he walked away and got on the elevator then said
“I am impressed, keep up the good work” she looked at him with sweat balls on her forehead and make-up needing afresh touch-up from rushing and worrying whether she would be late. And in the that classic Florida Evans voice once again
“Dam, Dam, Dam” she stop at the receptionist desk and asked
“Where is the ladies room?” and in her mind she was like
‘Aint this a b……” Stay Tuned
Anthony Chisolm
Phone (202) 631-0245
Email subwayshort@yahoo.com
